Presidential Candidate Donald Trump To Withdraw From Presidential Race

In a shocking twist of events, presidential hopeful Donald Trump announced that he would be withdrawing from the race for the republican candidacy. Trump made the announcement just days after withdrawing remarks related to his views on abortion. He had previously stated that “women who have abortions should be punished.”

Clearly overcome by emotion as he addressed a partisan crowd of onlookers, the repenting Trump said that he could no longer keep his bid to become the next U.S president going as his moral conscience had finally caught up with him. Trump proceeded to state that he was sorry that he’d been forced to take his election practical joke to such levels but remains adamant that for it to work as well as it has, he had to have acted convincingly.

“I totally misunderstood the meaning of April fool’s day and though that it would be fun (and great for my corporate empire and viagra bills) to play a practical joke on the American public over these last years.” “What started as an April fool’s idea quickly got out of hand and I got carried away.” “I owe the American public an apology.”

The billionaire entrepreneur went on to thank Timothy Leary and the beat generation for inspiring Steve Jobs to take copious amounts of LSD, a feat he himself repeated in the hope of “finding redemption.”Despite this, Trump advised against doing drugs and stated that he will now shift his efforts towards discouraging Americans from buying illicit substances, in a bid to end drug-related crime in Mexico.

Trump’s announcement comes in the wake of the launch of GunTV, America’s first firearms shopping network on April 1.  The launch of GunTV is not an April fool’s day joke.

Above: Quentin Tarantino’s 1997 film, ‘Jackie Brown’ features a gun tv scene that is either very amusing or very tragic. Samuel L Jackson was great in that flick.

  • Sidenote: Gun crimes are responsible for thousands of deaths every year. Since 9/11, less than 100 people have died in terror-related incidents in the U.S. #priorities
  • Despite this, gun legislation continues to be loose and justified via a rhetoric of self defence hinged on second ammendment constitutional rights. There have also been calls to prevent Muslim or Mexican immigration to The U.S, as expressed by the practical joke prince himself, Donald Trump.
  • The media continues to report mass shootings in a “one lone wolf” narrative if the shooter is white and American. By comparison, incidents that involve Muslim shooters, be as it may that they are far less of them, are more often than not framed in a rhetoric that centers around “terrorism”

Skærmbillede 2016-04-01 kl. 02.12.12

Skærmbillede 2016-04-01 kl. 02.18.25

Happy April Fool’s Year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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